The following are some major themes from the Kama Sutra, from the ancient Eastern spiritual philosophy of Tantra, and from sacred sexual practices that will most positively impact your own sexual awakening and enjoyment.
SEX IS SACRED
Renowned author Deepak Chopra says, “The truth about sex, and love in general, is that it remains the most powerful spiritual experience that most of us will have in our lifetimes.” In fact, “Oh my God” is the most common utterance during orgasm because it is a moment (or hopefully longer) where your identity of “self” disappears and you have the experience of “no-thing-ness,” which for a lot of people feels like a return to God. You feel at one with yourself and your partner, without separation. It was most likely such a moment that ushered in your very own conception.
We have all suffered from the tragic divorce between sex and spirit that is our current cultural inheritance. I believe it is our work to heal that division and invite the sacred back into our lovemaking. When we do that, we access the full expression
of our eroticism.
How exactly do you do that? You can start by calling in a higher power (whatever that is for you) and ask for blessings on your lovemaking. Then relax, open, and allow yourself to receive it. Ask that your sexuality and orgasmic life force be used by the Divine as a conduit for bringing greater love, energy, and spirit into the physical world. You can do this by
yourself, silently. You can also do a short or long ritual with your partner: Create an altar, meditate for a few moments together, and speak your intentions and dedication out loud. In the very potent moment of orgasm, you can tap into the power of sexual magic and supercharge your manifestation abilities by releasing an intention.
The essence of who we are is divine, whether we remember it or not. I invite you to simply allow it to shine through you and recognize it in your partner while you make love. Whether you’re having a hot, passionate throw-down moment or you’re floating for hours on clouds of orgasmic bliss, let your sexuality be a celebration and embodiment of the sacred.
OPEN THE HEART OF SEX
When we open the heart and risk the vulnerability of sharing our tender emotional world with our partner, we engage in “in-to-me-you-see” which takes our sexual “intimacy” to a whole new level. To try this, draw your attention to and breathe deeply into your heart, expand your capacity to give and receive love, and speak what’s in your heart to your partner.
“Unconditional” means loving no matter what the circumstances. It has to start with you loving you, and that includes loving your body. Regardless of how you feel about your body, it serves you faithfully. And if you think about it, you don’t get to enjoy it all that long—barely a blip on the timeline of existence. It’s my sincere hope that you fall in love with your body, accepting it exactly the way that it is and is not. Don’t compare yourself with the models you see in these pages—the oak tree doesn’t compare itself with the bamboo—get on with loving what you have and loving the one you’re with.
When we really boil it all down, there is only love and fear. There are lots of words we use to describe and dissect our emotions, but the essence is either love or fear. And love can put her arms around the fear, loving it because it is. Invite your heart to guide you on your sexual journey.
PLEASURE IS ENERGY
Not only is sexual pleasure your birthright, but it’s good for you, too. The health benefits of being orgasmic and having an active sex life are now well documented by science, psychology, and medicine. Your body was born an expert on ecstasy and
sensuality. Just watch a baby for a while and you’ll see how his whole world revolves around senses—being held and touched, crying when he needs to be heard, and swallowing sweetness from the breast. Along the way, culture, religion, and perhaps well-meaning but misguided adults drove us away from our inner body wisdom. Other fear-based ideas of shame, guilt, and separation replaced our sacred relationship with our body’s pleasure. The good news is that you can go home again.
No doubt about it, sexual pleasure can also lead you astray, feed addictions, and fuel shallow or unconscious impulses (we’re human). Sexual pleasure is energy, and just like any kind of energy, it is not inherently good or bad. Electricity, for example, can be used to bring light to the darkness or take a man’s life away. There’s a good reason that sexuality has been so violently repressed over the ages—it’s the most powerful energy that we have access to.
Because of our fear of the potency of sexual pleasure, we tend to either repress it or overindulge as a way to get “control” over it. Both repressing and indulging are actually the same response but in different extremes, two sides of the proverbial coin. The alternative is the “middle way,” where we engage with pleasure and enjoy it fully with gratitude and consciousness, without becoming overly attached to it or trying to control it. A tricky balance for sure, and one we deal with in all areas of our life, not just sexuality.
HONOR THE FEMININE
Another key message to be found in the Kama Sutra and other ancient sacred sex philosophies is the emphasis on the inherent equality of masculine and feminine energy. We all possess an inner “sacred marriage” of yin and yang qualities. We are emerging from centuries dominated by the masculine, but now the divine feminine, or “Shakti,” is awakening from
her slumber to take her rightful place again alongside the masculine. Men and women have both suffered with her absence. It’s not just about men honoring women; it’s also about women honoring the feminine.
In our quest for greater power and equality (a healthy and necessary balancing), many women have lost touch with the inner goddess and the power of her sensual, earthy, intuitive cycles.
Given that he was writing more than two thousand years ago from a very “penis-centric” point of view, it’s remarkable how much emphasis Vatsyayana, the author of the Kama Sutra, placed on the importance of women’s arousal cycles. If you think of the Kama Sutra as a marital guide written for a predominately male audience, this just makes good sense: If it feels good to her, she’ll be a more willing participant, and you’ll get more sex. Although the sexual content in the original text has a tunnel-vision focus on intercourse solutions, it does address the age-old challenge of the discrepancy between a man’s sexual responsiveness (quick to fire) and a woman’s temperament (slow to warm). Tantric practices can teach men how to have orgasms without ejaculating and emphasize both partners slowing down to enjoy expanded states of orgasmic pleasure rather than having a goal-oriented race to the big “O” finish line. Having said that, though, doesn’t mean
that getting it on and getting off quickly can’t also be a Tantric experience.
The ancient sacred sexuality writers commonly agreed that a woman’s sexual appetite and capacity, once awakened, could surpass that of any man. There is a reason men want so desperately to get inside: They know that therein lies a sacred gateway between heaven and earth. And women need the strong, clear, conscious sacred masculine to help us blossom in that capacity. It takes time, trust, and openness, but the places you will go together as a result of honoring and awakening Shakti will transform you both beyond what you can possibly imagine.
GRACE DESCENDS IN ECSTASY
You can’t read about ecstasy and “make” it happen any more than you can read about water and have it quench your thirst. To know water, you have to drink it and swim in it and feel how it is you (given that it’s what you’re mostly made of ). You can read about the positions in this book because doing so is fun and gives you some ideas, but ultimately you have to
become fully present with your beloved, stop the insanity of either indulging or fighting the mind, and feel your heart beating and your breath moving in and out. Invite Spirit into your lovemaking and dedicate your union to the betterment of yourself and the world. That doesn’t guarantee ecstasy, but it does go a long way toward preparing the circumstances for its arrival. Ecstasy comes as a form of grace usually when we stop doing and just allow.
RESPECT THE FIRE
Know that your sexual energy doesn’t just reside below the waist. It is your life force and enlivens your whole body. Your sexual energy can be used as “rocket fuel” to accelerate any aspect of your life. You can walk around feeling waves of orgasmic energy, love, and gratitude as your way of being (the pro and con is that you will become highly attractive to others). You can use this energy, on an authentic Tantric path, as a fast track to realizing your enlightenment. The point is that it’s highly potent, it’s yours, and it’s up to you how to use it. Be as conscious and intentional as you possibly can. What do you want to fuel in your life right now? What would best serve you, your relationship, and your family?
May your celebration of pleasure open your heart and fuel your highest dreams.